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FILIA
Featured One Line - Aug. 30
"You are what you order, not what someone else does."
Featured Message - Aug. 30
"The Infamous Split"
The other day, I went to0 lunch with a friend. We were having a wonderful time. When the server brought the check, we both went for it. She got it first and a version of the bill discussion ensued, like:
“I got it.”
“No, I have it”.
“No, really, let me.”
“Let's just split it.”
“Just leave the tip and we're good.”
“It's really not necessary, but thanks. I'll get it next time.”
In the car, we spoke about the different scenarios of the check “discussion” and the role of gender, culture and geographical location influence the expectations of the who pays the check. We both admitted that we were not familiar with the mentality of men and women “splitting” the check in social situations. In our “previous” lives, the men always picked up the check for the women present (even without romantic intentions, could be just a friend or relative). If it were a group, the men may “split” the bill among themselves, but the women were not expected to contribute. Now, while I, personally, do not think this practice is necessary and splitting the check is perfectly acceptable in any number of circumstances, including mixed gender mingling. It is still nice to be “treated” once in a while, which goes whether you are a man or a woman. Unfortunately, it can become a touchy subject as some men and women can feel insulted if the other does or does not pay. Again, not romance or business related as those are topics for another time.
A few days later, I went to lunch with another friend. In this case, nobody was “picking up” the bill. Funny how this was as unspoken as the prior lunch where the “pick up” attempt was a given. My portion was a few dollars more than my friend's and so I wanted to pay more. My friend suggested we just split it. I protested because mine was more, but my friend pointed out it was only by a few dollars so it was no big deal. (BTW, we went for yogurt after and I treated to even things out). The real issue isn't when you are around people with the same mind set on who pays, how much and under what circumstances; it's when you are not, especially in the group situation. As my “pick up” friend and I discussed, the group situation is the worst. There's the shortage (not enough money for the bill, tax and tip), the asking for separate checks and the “ordering for the table” situation.
The latter is the trickiest one. My “pick up” friend and I had both been out in groups where some people order “for the table” all the things they want without asking or input from the rest of the group, (be it appetizers, wine, desserts, etc.) and then expect the “table” to split the check. These often are the “serial table orderers”, it's their way of life. They are also many times the ones who get the most expensive entrees, and then want to “split the bill” when you and the rest of the group ordered much less expensive items, you know the type. And if you say something like, “I only had the ____”, no matter how nicely or gently, you look or feel like the cheapskate and probably rubbed the “orderer” the wrong way for calling it out. Though you were simply trying to do a reality check (no pun intended) and BTW probably looked up to by the other “non-table orderers” who are also getting the shaft.
My “pick-up” friend's solution is: when you realize you are in this situation just order up (expensive entree, drinks, dessert, etc.) at least that way when you “split” the bill, you are not getting the raw end of the deal. That's fine and something I have learned to do at times, but not everyone is in the same financial situation or can afford to “order up” all the time. That's why people should only order what they can afford and fully expect to pay for and not take for granted that what they order for the “table”, everyone will want to partake in it or pay towards.
Look, if I order for the table without asking others if they want to share or split it with me, my intention is to treat the other diners. If they partake and want to put in for it at the end, that's up to them, but I am fully prepared to pay for it myself when I order it for the “table.”
Perhaps a good rule of thumb is to speak up if the “split” is more than a certain amount over your portion. Maybe a dollar figure or a percentage. Seriously, if your portion is $20 and you are being asked to put in $50 and it's not a special occasion where you are all covering another person's portion (say birthday, etc.) that might be a time to speak up. (Ahh, birthdays yet another subject for another day.) Also, I think etiquette should dictate if the ones who order less want to “split” the check (as my “split” friend in the second lunch), that's OK, but it should be their decision, not the decision of the ones who owe or ordermore.
Now there are times when you have to make a judgment call as to when to dine with the “table orderers” at all that is if you know them to be such, If you do join the group and this happens you have to decide when to speak up and when just to pay up and that depends on the company and circumstances. I only recall one time, many years ago, where I made the wrong call and feel badly about it to this day; but nobody's perfect.
Very delicate business, this socializing can be; if we are not on the same page. Hope this gave you some food for thought. My treat – just leave a tip.
Do you have any additional thoughts or a similar experience?
Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner - 07/30/10
"Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in his/her shoes."
Featured Message - 07/30/10
"The Sole of the Matter"
Shoes, in our society, seem to have their own unique importance in our lives.
- Make sure your shoes are shined before you go into your job interview.
- Got to have the correct shoes for the right sport.
- Special occasion equals special attire right down to the tips of your toes
Just go to the mall and you will see a plethora of stores. Some for men; some women; some for athletes; some for comfort and some for pain which is somehow tied into pleasure.
I have favorite shoes just like everyone else. Once I find them, I tend to wear them into the ground, literally. I had a favorite shoe repair shop which sadly went out of business recently but luckily found another. Generally speaking, shoes have a special importance because throbbing, painful feet can ruin any great occasion.
I had been part of several bridal parties in my life and I always wound up with aching feet that throbbed even more the next day. So, members of my bridal party were given free reign to buy whatever appropriate dress shoes they wanted so long as the women selected a light neutral color (bone; off white; beige) and the men wore black. They were encouraged to have a change of shoes to “refresh” their feet for dancing at the reception. As with the instructions I gave my husband to be, the goal was dressy but comfortable. After all, that is what my intention for myself was so why would I make the others suffer?
My wedding shoes were the hardest pair to find in my life. The dress? No problem, had found it in a couple of weeks. The veil in a couple of days. But the shoes; ah, the shoes.
I only wanted a high heel white pump. I only found white strappy ones (which cut into my feet) or saddles (way too casual). I searched from town to town and from mall to mall. I would ask everyone and if I picked up the slightest scent of a lead, I was hot on its trail which lead to a dead end. I finally found a pair that would do. Not exactly what I had in mind as they had a peep toe; but other than that, perfect. Perfect height (so I didn't have to alter the dress); prefect color (white but with a sort of silver sheen) and perfect price (I think they were like $60ish). I found them about 10 days before my wedding. The “refresh” flats for the dancing, I actually bought the day of my wedding at a mega department store, but that day is a story for another time.
And though the shoes themselves could be worn again for many things (no really!), I have kept them in their box and only take them out once a year to dance with my husband on our anniversary to our first song. I can't wear the dress every year, but the shoes are enough. Because everything starts from the ground up and with those shoes on, I feel the rest of that day inside and out, right up to the veil on my head.
And the “refresh” shoes? Well, I wear from time to time throughout the year, and even they evoke memories each time. One is of me running to the dance floor to dance to one of my favorite songs with some of my favorite people, like I did when I was younger and making me feel like a teenager for a brief moment. Shoes can be more than something to cover or support your feet; they can transform you in oh so many ways and maybe, at times, even stir your soul.
Do you have any additional thoughts or a similar experience?
Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner - 06/27/10
"Time heals all pain"
NFGGO says: "In this life, time heals some pain."
Featured Message - 06/27/10
"Just a Day"
A couple of months ago, I came home from Church and went upstairs to change my clothes, as usual. I had a nice day and went to lunch with some friends after Service. I was fine. As I put on my new clothes, it was as if the garments themselves extracted the flu which was somewhere hidden in my body and I began to ache. I had intended to go downstairs to watch TV and kick back with my spouse; but the bed was beckoning to me and I welcomed its invitation. I flopped down.
I thought if I could just lie here for a few minutes whatever was going on would pass. My spouse remained unsuspecting as to what had happened; probably thinking I had gotten lost on the computer or was on the phone. As my heat, pain and thirst increased, I decided getting a drink and maybe taking some aspirin would be a good idea. I started down the stairs. With each step the pain intensified and my body began to lose flexibility and mobility. By the time I reached the bottom, I wasdecrepit. I told my spouse, “I’m sick.” “Really, what happened?” was the confused response. After all, I had just gone upstairs 20 minutes earlier in good health. I just shrugged, not really knowing myself.
I made it to the kitchen, had a drink, and took some aspirin and was now looking at the mountain of stairs in front of me. “Why didn’t I just yell down to my spouse to bring me the things I needed?” I wondered. Perhaps it was the fever clouding my mind. Slowly, I started the ascent.
As I lied in bed, suffering with the unbelievably, excruciating pain which overtook every nook of my body, I kept saying to myself that in a few hours, maybe a day or so tops, this will be over and the pain will be a distant memory.
My thoughts next went to other types of pain: labor pain, sprained ankles, stubbed toes, toothaches, etc., etc., etc., all of which usually go away in a relatively short time and finally about chronic pain.
I thought of people in my family and various friends, some of whom have been in pain for years, decades even. They did not have the comfort I did in the knowledge that in a day or two their pain would subside and life would resume as usual. Their hope lies mostly in ongoing medication. Some of which helps; some of which doesn’t. Some of which is covered; some of which is not. A lot of which has some sort of unwanted side effect, especially with long term usage. And yes, it can sometimes be too expensive to buy and since the pain can’t kill you (or so people think) you go without. The truth is pain can kill you. It can kill your spirit; your mind; your heart and too much pain may actually be too much for your physical body to bear. Blood pressure can go up; pulse rate may increase; and perhaps, there may even be added strain on your heart and other organs. It is not something trivial or imaginary; it is something real with real consequences.
Was there something the people could have done to prevent or slow down the debilitating pain in the first place? Sometimes the answer to that is yes, and sometimes no. But, at a certain point that is question is academic. Life becomes about pain management; mental, physical and spiritual. All are tough to achieve. The sufferers are always on the lookout for a new medicine that may work better than the current one they are taking and bring some added relief, maybe even a cure. But in their hearts and minds remain the almost certain idea the condition and pain will get worse with time, not better.
And while the main concern and sympathy is, of course, with the person in pain, let us not forget the ones who love that person because they are profoundly affected in a number of ways as well.
All of these thoughts were in my head. Mostly, I thought how lucky I was there was an end in sight to pull me through. That time would make my pain, fever and suffering go away and restore me to good health. Time was my physician, my friend and my hope. And so I drifted off to sleep and my body, aided with a couple of aspirin, battled the flu and won the hard, but thankfully, short war. By the next day, my body felt a whole lot better; but the things my mind had contemplated from a totally new perspective the night before, will be with me forever.
I pray for those who are beset with pain that they may have relief, good health, and joy and be restored physically, mentally and spiritually and hope you all will too.
Do you have any additional thoughts or a similar experience?
Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner - 05/17/10
"My mom would always tell me ... don’t wear any make-up ... EVER. That way, when you go on a date and you're wearing make-up, you look so amazing they fall for you!"
NFGGO: "So much can be said about this one, but suffice to say: If you think and feel amazing, you will look amazing and it will not matter to you what anyone else thinks or sees. Amazing comes from the inside out. And as much fun and beneficial makeup can be, it washes off at the end of the day and then you are left with what you are."
Featured Message - 05/17/10
"Professional Etiquette"
Whether jobs are abundant or scarce; whether unemployment is up or down there are certain behaviors expected during the hiring process. Since it is a currently an “Employer Market” and much has been written about how to interview and how to revamp your resume for this extra competitive time, NFGGO is going to focus on the behavior of the potential Employers. Here are a few tips which candidates will find informative too:
- Ads. When the position is filled or no longer available, please take the ads off of the sites you placed them. This should be a given; but you never know. People have seen jobs they applied for still listed months later and never heard from the employer. What’s that about? Are the positions still open? We know you can’t respond to the all applicants sending in resumes, just let the world know the job is no longer available by taking it off the various sites.
- Online application. Yes, it’s an automated world and using technology as a tool of convenience can be very helpful for employer and applicant alike, but it is really getting ridiculous out there. As a society, we are warned constantly about identity theft and protecting ourselves. Still, some companies are asking for very personal data and blanket authorizations online and the applicants don’t even know who is going to view their information. PLEASE do not require people to give their social security number, authorize credit or background checks and the like online. Think if you were asked to do it, how comfortable would you be? There is plenty of time to get the authorizations you want once the candidate has gone through the bulk of the process, as a final step prior to be hired. Personal information and background checks should be the last hurdle NOT the first.
- Photos. Unbelievable as it may seem, some job ads say to submit a photo with your resume? Why? We are not talking about modeling or acting jobs, where it seems necessary though even then not always. But it has extended to everyday jobs, like waiting tables or sales or promotional professionals. Really? Why do you have to see what a person looks like when sifting through resumes? The only reason which comes to mind would be to rule out applicants based on their looks, or age, or race, etc. If the experience on the resume is good enough to get an interview, you’ll see the person then. Of course, it’s hard to say the applicants are not qualified once you have called them in on merit but simply not young, thin, or pretty, etc. enough for your company’s taste, which is unacceptable grounds for not hiring someone and has to stop.
- Follow-Up. When a company has a potential candidate come in for an interview, even a first interview, the interviewer then owes the applicants the courtesy of letting them know when the position has been filled. Again, pretty much a no brainer, but not always followed. One story goes like this: The candidate went in for an interview with the president of a company. It went well and the president told the candidate a second interview would be necessary to test computer skills and the assistant would be in touch to arrange it. At the second interview, the “computer skills test” was somewhat that, but more a “personality test,” which, BTW, seems to be more and more the case nowadays. Apparently, the second interview went well, as the president later requested the applicant to submit references and then called them. And then nothing. No word. The candidate contacted the company and still nothing. Not just after an interview or a second interview which STILL warrants notification, but after contacting the candidate’s references. Totally improper behavior. Just let the applicants know. They took their time (and gas money) to meet with you!
- Don’t switch and bait or try to manipulate the system or candidates. OK. This really is not fair. All sorts of stories are circulating about unfair practices. One story heard goes something like this. Allegedly, the candidate and the employer came to terms on a part-time, temporary job. The applicant was on unemployment and the part-time pay was just over what unemployment pays so the applicant could be taken off unemployment, and still would have time to search for full-time work. Seems ideal. Except, according to the story, the employer would not agree in writing to the terms because they really wanted to work the person full-time at the part-time pay. So, the candidate tried to get the potential employer to verify the terms of their agreement in writing, but to no avail. Supposedly, the company then said if the person did not take the job, they would call the unemployment office so the candidate would lose unemployment benefits even though the employer would not put the spoken part-time work terms in writing or set a start date. Not sure how much of this story is true, but if anything even closely resembling this is happening out there, it’s outrageous.
Many companies try to hire the best people they can in a fair and reasonable manner and that is what the applicants are hoping and expecting. So, to those companies and employers who are respectful to the screening and hiring process, a big Shout Out and Thank You! But, if your company seems to fall short when it comes to hiring procedures, perhaps you should rethink what your HR is doing to your company’s reputation and the potential risks your screening process poses to applicants.
Let’s face it, many times the applicants, or even those who just peruse your ads, could be beneficial to your company or hinder it. They may decide whether or not to use or recommend your services and products depending on how they are treated in the hiring process. They may speak highly of your company or not so much. Remember, word of mouth has always been a great a way to promote or demote many things. So choose to be promoted in the best way possible!
Do you have any additional thoughts or a similar experience?
Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner - 04/15/10
"Don’t let your visitors go out a different door than they came in; or all the proksenhths will be chased away. (For those that don’t know “proksenhths” is loosely translated as arranged marriage. So your prospective spouse will be chased away)."
NFGGO says: "Huh? That’s about all that can be said about this one. Anyone heard this and knows how it got started? Let us know!"
Featured Message - 04/15/10
"A Date or Not A Date"
Recently I had a conversation about the signs that you may possibly be on a date. This reminded me of something that happened years ago. Something I have not thought about in quite a long time. Still the question seems to be a prevalent one, so I thought it would be good for NFGGO to explore.
About a zillion years ago, I had a really good friend of the opposite sex, (for gender and overall anonymity and this essay’s sake) we’ll call this person Pat. We were both from other parts of the country and new to the city. We both knew only a few people and, coincidentally, lived very close to each other. We took to each other right away as we had many things in common. Eventually, we became best of friends and hung out together day and night. We talked for hours on the phone. We even traveled together.
One night, a few years after meeting, we were with some friends and Pat announced how we had dated. To say I was in shock is an understatement, as I never thought of Pat in that way. Even in my befuddled state, I realized the others in the room were not surprised by this one sided declaration. Apparently, they knew for a long time, as Pat had informed them quite a while ago we had been on 3 dates. What?! I had to ask when the 3 supposed dates took place, without my knowledge I might add. Pat enumerated.
Now it’s been awhile since I thought about this so all the little intricacies are scarce and the timeline is a little fuzzy on “dates” 2 and 3. But all 3 took place in a short period of time at the beginning of our friendship. I think I have them in the right order, as I recall:
1. The day we met. It was in the morning at Church and there were other people around. We both met another person (same gender as Pat) at the same time. The 3 of us had a lot in common. There was a festival that evening and we all discussed going. We all exchanged numbers. Pat and I arranged to drive together since it was far and we lived close to each other. I picked Pat up. We paid our own way for the most part (maybe one of us bought the other a soda, but that was about it). We saw the other person from Church (again for anonymity, we’ll call this person “Chris”) and all hung out. Chris had come with another person. Before the end of the night, Chris’s ride had left and Chris had no way to get back. I offered to give Chris a lift as it was not too far out of our way. Chris got car sick easily and so sat in front with me; Pat in the back. We dropped Chris off and then I dropped off Pat.
Pat’s take as revealed that evening years later: After asking me if I wanted to go together and buying a soda, Pat ended up being upset when Chris intruded on our “date” ‘causing Pat to sit in the back seat.
My take on the night: Some people (who just met) went to an event, gave each other rides, paid their own way (for the most part) and had a good time. I mean hey, lots of men and women have given each other rides and bought a drink for one another and yet they were not on a date.
2. Pat called me and asked if I wanted to go to a museum (which is free but you have to have reservations for parking) as 2 of Pat’s friends (who were a couple) had a car reservation. I responded with something like “sure” and asked if Pat minded if I asked my roommate to come with, Pat said that would be ok. Turns out my roommate could not make it, so it was just the four of us. Pat picked me up this time, we met Pat’s friends and all drove in their car to the museum. We had fun. Looked around at the art and left. Pat took me home.
Pat’s take: It was a “double” date. Pat called me, asked me to a social outing, picked me up and delivered me home.
My take: Four people went to a museum together. I mean if I had the slightest indication that Pat was asking me out on a date, I would have not asked if my roommate could join us. I must admit though, after hearing Pat’s breakdown, it kind of sounds like a date.
3. Another festival. Sort of like the first one, but I think Pat may have driven and we did not take anyone home. But again, basically dutch treat and not so much as holding hands. Also, I remember another person of the opposite sex asking me in front of Pat if we were together and my saying we just friends or something to that effect. ‘Cause that’s what I thought we were. Pat never said anything and I did not notice a change in mood.
Pat’s take: We were on a date. Again, there was a phone call, pick up, and return.
My take: 2 friends hanging out. Why else would I say so that night if I thought we were on a date.
I said on the night of the “big reveal”, and still say to this day, we did not “date.” Yes, each outing had elements of a date, but, for me, the most important aspect of a date was missing. What is that you ask? That each person KNOWS they are on a date! If just hanging out with people of the opposite sex, driving somewhere together or buying a drink for someone becomes the basis for a date, well I don’t know what to say! Just think of all those people you have befriended telling you that, unbeknownst to you, you dated. We all then have probably dated millions of people. Ok, an exaggeration, but you know what I am saying.
Look, it doesn’t even matter if it is a good or bad date (‘cause there’s plenty of both types), or if there are sparks or not, but it does, in my opinion, matter that you both know it is supposed to be an actual “romantic” date at least on some level. Whether you want to admit it or not is another question and reminds me of someone I dated in school. I’ll have to remember to write about that sometime.
But I digress, back to the signs of being on a date. Maybe it’s the intention of the people involved that determines if it is a date or not. I don’t know. It can get confusing. Wondering if anyone else has opinions as to what constitutes a date.
Do you have additional thoughts on what makes a “date” or a similar experience? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner for 03/19/10
"Easter egg hunts are only for the young."
NFGGO says: "Only for the young at heart!"
Featured Message for 03/19/10
"Kalo Pascha! (Happy Easter!)"
In the United States, as a nation, we have set aside a special day in November to give thanks. This day is recognized throughout our country and is a symbol of gratitude and recognition for all that we have here on Earth. Traditionally, it is in the autumn when the fruits of our laborious work during the spring and summer come to full yield and sustains us through the cold winter months until spring comes and we are able to plant anew.
Nowadays agriculture inventiveness, preservatives, transportation effectiveness and the like have somewhat changed this natural rhythm of life. And yet, we still celebrate Thanksgiving as has been done for hundreds of years. As Christians, we have many days of thanks and gratitude, but there is one we hold far above any other day. In many countries, our special day comes in the spring. A time we praise and give extra thanks to our Lord for giving Himself up so that we may be born anew and have everlasting life in the Kingdom to come.
The Pascha Lenten period starts in the midst of winter, sometimes earlier in the season sometimes later, but still traditionally at a time when the earth is barren, slow to renew, resting yet still with full knowledge that spring will come and restore the earth to its full bounty and glory. So too, we began to prepare our bodies and minds, seeking peace from without and within, slowing down our busy lives to reflect; knowing, in the spring, Pascha shall come and we will have a celebration as a sign of special thanks for all that Jesus has done for us. Sowing faith in Him, we shall burst forth in hope and life and have sustenance not only for the year, but forevermore.
And, though there may be work and hard times ahead, we will not be left uncomforted or alone, but shall have the Holy Spirit help us that we may rejoice with the Angels.
So we look forward to the celebration of the Resurrection with joy and hope and strength and faith … Just as has been done for thousands of years.
Wishing you and yours a Kali Anastasi and a Blessed Year!
Do you have any special Easter memories? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner for 02/14/10
"The men and women are from different planets thing."
NFGGO says: "First and foremost we must remember we are all from one planet … Earth. Click Filia and submit your comment!"
Featured Message for 02/14/10
"It’s Valentine’s Day - which emphasizes love;
specifically romantic love."
Over the years, I have heard and experienced many things concerning romantic love and more specifically the search for it. I, along with many of my friends, have had agonizingly endless conversations about men … and women. What men are “like”; what women are “like.” Mostly in general terms, trying to get a handle on the many complexities human beings are comprised of by putting them in a box so we can explain a behavior; or understand the opposite sex better by looking at what is so “different” about that gender. Thinking somehow this would illuminate us and make it easier to “find” someone, which was just more like chasing our tails.
Unfortunately, this kind of discussion is usually focused on negative differences to make ourselves feel better about not being in a relationship (or a good one); or to handle rejection, etc. Rarely do we hear a member of the opposite sex say positive things which they do not themselves hold dear. Like “the great thing about women is they can shop for 8 to 10 hours at a stretch and not get tired!” Or “wow, men have great stamina; they can sit in a chair and watch sports all weekend with little or no sleep!” Of course, these are both generalizations. I know women who like to camp; play poker; and are huge football fans but hate to shop for clothes, couldn’t care less about brand names and jewelry. Conversely, I know men who like to shop and not gamble and yes, believe it or not they do not watch sports incessantly either.
Obviously, not ALL men or ALL women are one way or the other. True, there are similarities among people of the same sex; but there are also vast differences. It is equally true that there are similarities and differences among ALL people no matter their ethnicity; culture; country; race and yes, gender … because in the end we all have the most important commonality … we are all HUMANS who are INDIVIDUALS … all alike and different at the same time. Really AMAZING when you stop and think about it.
So, whether you ARE in a romantic relationship or not; whether you WANT to be in a romantic relationship or not; here’s some food for thought. Instead of wide-sweeping generalizations, let’s do the specific work necessary to get to know first who we are, what we would like to be; how we see our relationships and life going then we can reach out to others in a specific way too. Focusing first at our commonalities, because truly the differences will show up not simply based on gender, but because we all have our unique strand of DNA that combines with environmental and societal influences to help form who we are and then of course we can choose who we want to be which is the most important part.
Once we figure that out, maybe, just maybe, we will no longer wonder why he or she doesn’t like us or what we should do, say, think, or act to get them to accept us. We will just understand some people will fit with us (and us with them) and some will not. Barring any extreme circumstances, not fitting together is neither good nor bad and does not make them or us good or bad. It just is what it is and frees us to bond more deeply with those who do fit together. Maybe we will no longer spend time trying to fit people into our boxes or worrying about being liked and therefore trying to fit into other people’s boxes. Perhaps being confident in who we are, we will not try to become who or what we are not in our quest to “find” someone. And maybe, not judge or feel judged either. Then we may have more time to focus on becoming the best person we can which is a pursuit worth striving for and conversation worth having.
Wouldn’t that be a great Valentine’s Day gift?! Here’s to finding healthy love for all!
Do you have some advice for Valentine's Day? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner for 01/17/10
"Joe: Greeks I say are "Lambs during the day and wolves at night" Yasou!"
NFGGO’s: "Yasou to you too, Joe! Hmmm … Interesting! Anyone care to put your spin on this? Click Filia and submit your comment!"
Featured Message for 01/17/10
"For the New Year"
Keeping in the animal theme, thought we would talk about Bears and Bulls … in the Market, that is. What a year 2009 was … quite the Bear. Let’s hope 2010 is more of a Bull. But either way we should find a way to allow joy to enter our lives. We should always remember just as are the seasons, life is circular. Good times and bad times come and go. We need to realize there are things within our control and things outside of it. We should do what we can and let go of what we need to.
I have had my share of ups and downs in my life. Believe me, I was not jumping for joy during the down times. Nobody likes them. But the bad times are when I discovered things about myself and about those around me the most. Difficult times should not destroy you, but rather be a time of learning: who you are; who those around you are, how you would like to change certain things in your thinking and in the company you keep, as well as what you want to cherish and nurture. It doesn’t matter if the circumstances you are in are of your own making or just happened to you. What matters is how you deal with them. I still look back at some very challenging times and learn things about myself and those who were around me – some good; some not so good. I also find when going through a downturn, the difficult times that have passed bring me strength knowing they didn’t last and neither will this one.
We can also learn during the good times. In some ways, though, it is harder to be reflective when everything is going right, because we are not asking our selves the question “why?” like we are during the bad times. Usually, when we get a promotion, we don’t ask why, when we make money we don’t ask why, when we buy a house or are out with friends we do not ask why. We just are going through life with ease. We are not focused on the lessons to be learned during the happy-go-lucky times. There are things we should be discovering then too, but since we are not in torment or desperation at those times, we do not usually seek them.
Truth is, whether good or bad times, life gives us the opportunity to learn, love, change, have peace and joy if we choose to. You can be successful with or without money, a huge house, a six figure+ career, or an expensive car. It all depends on how you define success.
In my mind, success starts with knowing who you are, self-reflecting how to improve and finding joy where ever you are no matter what life may bring. The rest will follow in its season. This may not be easy to do, but if you can accomplish this, you will truly be a success and at peace.
And so whether 2010 is a Bear Market or a Bull Market, I pray you all are “successful” in your life.
Do you have some advice for the New Year? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner for 12/12/09
One Liner: "What are you waiting for, Christmas?"
NFGGO’s answer: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!"
Featured Message for 12/12/09
"The Miracle of Christmas"
When I was finally told the truth about Santa Claus, I cried. Not because I really didn’t know, but the confirmation made it all too real.
Sometimes in life you just don’t want to face or hear the truth, even when you know it. Some call this denial, maybe it is; some call it clinging to false hope, maybe that’s it, and maybe some just want to believe a little while longer out of fear of what will happen if they accept the truth. Fear of the unknown often keeps us from moving forward when it is time to do so. That is when we need Courage and Faith the most.
You see, I wanted to believe in Santa Claus, not for the gifts (as I knew I was going to get those anyway) but because he gave and did not expect anything in return for himself, just the simple request that you be nice. Easy enough (or so I thought), of course the trick of being nice is to do so even when you don’t want to; even when people are not nice to you. Something I am still working on to this day. Mostly, I think I wanted to believe a little longer because I knew once I was told the truth outright, being who I am, I had to accept it, and there was no going back and then what?
I mean I knew about Jesus and why we celebrated Christmas, but it was not something I could completely comprehend at that age. To that point, Jesus was secondary somehow to Santa. Santa was always the benevolent one who forgave you even when you didn’t deserve it and was kind and good and loving and that is what I thought I would be missing out on once told. In reality, Santa was just a metaphor for all those good things, but Jesus is truly the One who possesses all that is good and loving.
The truth about Santa had to be known since believing in him kept me from the full acceptance about Jesus and Christmas. In some ways it was like a right of passage from childhood to adulthood, which is not to say I do not enjoy all the Christmas cartoons, because I do. I sing the songs and put one foot in front of the other as I dance around just like when I was eight because the magic of childhood should always be with us. But Jesus should not be second fiddle to anyone or anything.
Jesus is the One Who is benevolent and loving and full of Grace and through Whom Forgiveness is truly achieved. The real hope and life that comes through Jesus is the Miracle of Christmas. So while it was hard letting go of Santa, accepting the Truth of Jesus has been my saving Grace. And though we do it all the year long, on Christmas day we make an extra special effort to Worship, Glorify and Adore the new born King and Exalt Christ is Lord!
Wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas and Blessings throughout the New Year!
Xronia Polla!
Featured One Liner for 11/25/09
"Remember to Give Thanks on Thanksgiving while stuffing that stuffing, bird and spanakopita down your gullet."
Featured Message for 11/25/09
"In Honor of Tradition"
This Thanksgiving, NFGGO suggests trying to change up tradition. Women, many of you may like watching football over cleaning up after dinner, so pick a team and cheer it on while drinking beer (or a Cosmo, Soda or Coffee, whatever) on the sofa! And men, we know a lot of you like watching football too but try setting the table and washing the dishes, or if you are really bold be like some men I know who have volunteered this year to learn how to cook a turkey! Which BTW is more than I can say for myself and many other women (and men) I know!
Whatever the case and however you choose, add a little adventure to this Thanksgiving; just like the Pilgrims did oh so many moons ago. Just like all different types of immigrants did coming over from the old country. They mixed old traditions with new ones. At our family we have Traditional Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Corn and Gravy but we also have Greek Style Stuffing Greek Salad (complete with Feta Cheese and Kalamata Olives), Greek Bread and sometimes even Pastichio!
So you see we don’t have to give up all our traditions or familiarities. Really, men it’s not like when your YiaYia had to do dishes, we now have dishwashers so you may be able to catch most of the game in between loads and women don’t become coach potatoes, after your team wins (or sadly loses) get up and dish out the Pumpkin Pie and Baklava.
And don’t worry, whether watching the game or doing the dishes we all still get to talk about how stuffed we are. That is of course until we sneak back in the kitchen for a little bit more.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
Do you have some advice about holidays? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner for 10.30.09
"Each day gives us another opportunity; take advantage of it."
Featured Message for 10.30.09
"For those who have a Birthday"
Don’t know about you, but I love my Birthday. I celebrate my Birthday. I love other people’s birthdays. I love celebrating other people’s birthdays.
There are many who dread their birthdays. They may feel like they're getting older so they choose not to acknowledge it. Guess what … whether you celebrate or not, you are getting older. Many people in my life have passed at a young age. My father passed when he was 58. I’m sure he would have loved to have celebrated more birthdays; no matter how “old” or “tired” he was.
Some feel each birthday reminds them of all the things they have not accomplished. And yet, if they focused on all they have done; they would probably realize they did quite a lot. Maybe we do not always succeed in what we had hoped for or what we had set out to do; but rather what was given us to do. Yet we don’t count these accomplishments even though they can be substantial. Some feel they are putting people out by having a celebration; to that I say, your loved ones never feel put out when celebrating having you with them.
And of course, there are others who feel alone and think they have nobody that would care; to them I say, tell someone, even a stranger, that it is your birthday and see what happens. I bet they will be happy for you and wish you a happy one and that will make you feel good.
Whatever your particular reason for not wanting to celebrate your birthday, put that reason aside and think about how lucky we are to be alive to celebrate it at all.
I know people who have gone through very serious illnesses and have survived; I bet they are more than happy to celebrate their birthdays. I know people, especially parents, who have lost their loved ones and would give just about anything to be able to celebrate with them.
Life can be rough and there is not always something to celebrate, so we should all try to celebrate when we can. And NO, you do not have to say how many Birthdays you have had prior to the current one; that is not what it is about. It is about celebrating life.
Wishing a special happy birthday to Jim!
Do you have some advice about Birthdays? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner for 09.24.09
"You are a small fish in a big pond - OR - You are a big fish in a small pond – OR – You are a small fish in a small pond – OR – You are a big fish in a big pond."
NFGGO says: NFGGO has heard at least one of these variations for years. Hey, guess what, you’re not a fish so don’t worry if you are big or small! We are all unique individuals with God given gifts. It’s our job to figure out what those gifts are and use them to the best of our ability to benefit others and not worry about the rest. Oh yeah, and that pond? We are all in the same one … it’s called the whole entire world and it can be very big or small depending on how you view it.
Featured Message for 09.24.09
"For Those Going to College"
Keeping in the theme of the start of the new school year, here’s a story for those joining a Sorority or for that matter a Fraternity (don’t worry NFGGO will focus on other life changing moments – buying a house, getting a divorce, getting married, etc. in the future):
Please submit any advice for college goers to FILIA!
To those “Pledging:”
Being part of the Greek system can be a great experience. It can also be a horrifying experience. When I hear of the type of hazing going on in some places it’s appalling. Of course, when I hear some of the horrific things going on in high school (and sometimes even earlier) it makes me shutter all the more.
I was “rushed” but I never let those around change me negatively. Sometimes it wasn’t easy, but it was always necessary to be true to myself and my beliefs; if that meant I wasn’t going to be in a sorority, so be it.
I was NOT the top Rush when I started college; I was the first one in my family to go to college, not of a renowned family, just your average Jo. But I decided to pledge a sorority ‘cause I was very active in high school and I thought the “sisterhood” would be a good thing to make new friends as I was one of the only people from my high school to attend this particular college. There were parties; but no hazing. In fact, I didn’t drink alcohol at any of the parties and never felt pressured to or out of place because of it. It was a respectable national sorority with responsible sisters at my chapter. I was lucky.
I was, by far, not the most perfect pledge. I always forgot to wear my pledge pin, so much so that the sisters eventually had me draw a picture of it and put it on the sorority board for all to see with my name clearly written above it.
I was a freshman, I was a pledge and just after I became an inducted, it was election time. Quite to my surprise the seniors and officers nominated me for President of the Sorority. This is one of the things I remember in my life as one of the most touching honors ever to be bestowed upon me. It was a national sorority and the powers that be would not allow this to happen, so I did not become president that year. I was elected to the board as treasurer and the next year was elected president.
I hope I was a good leader. I have many stories that tested my resolve and courage. Situations I was put in as President and a young woman that taught me so much about my character and that of others. Suffice to say, I tried to stand up for the rights and respect of my chapter, the sisters, our CD and big brothers, for democracy and fair play. Sometimes I won; sometimes I didn’t, but that’s how life really is, so it has served me well. I am grateful for all my time at college and the experiences with my sorority. And yes, I developed some life long friendships with my sisters.
So if you are thinking of becoming a “Greek;” go for it, but don’t lose yourself and your beliefs in the process. Always remember to be kind, help those who need it and don’t sacrifice intelligence for popularity. Actually, these things are true whether you’re pledging or not.
Do you have some advice for College Students? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liner for 09.03.09
"Knowledge comes in many forms; use it wisely."
Here are photos from the Boston Launch Party.
Eating, Drinking and Sharing Stories!
(scroll down to see more)
Featured Message for 09/03/09
"For Those Going to College"
I just went to a baseball game in L.A. and my alma mater had a group there. I expected to see other alumnae, but instead met some incoming freshmen and their parents, one of which was actually going to be staying in the dorm that I lived in.
It brought me back to those days. So for those starting or are in college, this is for you.
Do your best in class and remember to have fun.
I know people who were straight “A” students in college, but never really had fun or experienced all that college had to offer. On the other hand, I know those that only “experienced” college and never learned or were interested in achieving academic excellence. To be clear, I’m talking, good, clean, fun, not self destructive behavior to fit in with the crowd. This is something I never really bought into. You see, the crowd I always wanted to fit into was the one that fit with me, not the other way around. It still is to this day and I think I am much better off for it.
Don’t be negatively influenced by others. On the contrary, be the influencer of positive ways to others. Don’t be afraid (and this goes for everyone) to be viewed as a dork (geek, nerd, etc.). Believe me, those who think you are one, are probably viewed by someone else as one and they in turn are by someone else and so on. It’s all relative and a game that cannot be won, so why play.
As humans, we should not be in the business of trying to be the “coolest.” The definition of cool is defined by others and is always changing. It keeps us running towards something that cannot be achieved which keeps us from achieving that which we can. Don’t go for the M.R.S. degree. I remember someone telling me that my roommate was going to college to get an MRS degree. I was surprised by the statement as it never occurred to me to go to COLLEGE to get MARRIED, I mean that’s a pretty expensive way to meet a guy. Silly me, I thought I was there to learn. As it turns, I learned they may have been right.
Many of the girls I knew got engaged, some met their future husbands and married right after college, some became engaged and then called off the wedding and still others were there to get an education and/or a career.
Not to be too repetitive, but if you are going to college, it should be one of your great life experiences. So experience it. Be productive, work hard, have fun and take the lead if you can.
Oh and BTW, for those not going to college ’cause school is not your thing, or if you are out in the “real” world already, most of the above still applies.
Do you have some advice for College Students? Click here and share FILIA.
Featured One Liners and Stories from August 2009
Featured One Liner for 08/24/09
"Count Your Blessings!"
Featured Story for 08/24/09/
"A Bird in the..."
Featured One Liner for 08/11/09
"Buyer Beware!"
Featured Story for 08/11/09
"Red in the Face"
Featured One Liners and Stories from July 2009
Featured One Liner for 07/30/09
"Count to ten before you speak!"
Featured Story for 07/30/09
"Irony can be a Beauty Thing"
Featured One Liner - 7/10/09
"Almost everything in life is negotiable!"
Featured Story - 7/10/09
“Mani for All”
Featured One Liner 07/01/09:
My mom said, "Moudi, big girls don't cry."
Featured Story 07/01/09:
“Here We Go Round”
Featured One Liners and Stories from May-June 2009
Featured One Liner 6/10/09:
“Cooking is ‘girls’ work. Taking out the garbage is ‘boys’ work.”
Featured Story 6/10/09:
All Flirt – No Clue
Featured One Liner 5/24/09:
“You’re too pretty
to be funny.”
Featured Story 5/24/09:
Not a Lawyer or a Homemaker
