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Scroll down to see One Liner & Featured Story posted Aug. 30.
Past posts on Diary Page in case you missed one!

NFGGO's 1 Year Anniversary Party pictures below!

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The NFGGO Story: It started at birth... more

Are you ready to Stop the Crazy Talk? Read on!

Featured One Liner

"You are what you order, not what someone else does."

Pix from NFGGO First Year Anniversary Party!
(scroll down to see more)

Featured Message

"The Infamous Split"

The other day, I went to lunch with a friend. We were having a wonderful time. When the server brought the check, we both went for it. She got it first and a version of the bill discussion ensued, like:

“I got it.”
“No, I have it”. 
“No, really, let me.”
“Let's just split it.”
“Just leave the tip and we're good.”
“It's really not necessary, but thanks.  I'll get it next time.”

In the car, we spoke about the different scenarios of the check “discussion” and the role of gender, culture and geographical location influence the expectations of the who pays the check. We both admitted that we were not familiar with the mentality of men and women “splitting” the check in social situations. In our “previous” lives, the men always picked up the check for the women present (even without romantic intentions, could be just a friend or relative).  If it were a group, the men may “split” the bill among themselves, but the women were not expected to contribute.

Now, while I, personally, do not think this practice is necessary and splitting the check is perfectly acceptable in any number of circumstances, including mixed gender mingling.  It is still nice to be “treated” once in a while, which goes whether you are a man or a woman.  Unfortunately, it can become a touchy subject as some men and women can feel insulted if the other does or does not pay. Again, not romance or business related as those are topics for another time.

A few days later, I went to lunch with another friend.  In this case, nobody was “picking up” the bill.  Funny how this was as unspoken as the prior lunch where the “pick up” attempt was a given. My portion was a few dollars more than my friend's and so I wanted to pay more.  My friend suggested we just split it.  I protested because mine was more, but my friend pointed out it was only by a few dollars so it was no big deal.  (BTW, we went for yogurt after and I treated to even things out).

The real issue isn't when you are around people with the same mind set on who pays, how much and under what circumstances; it's when you are not, especially in the group situation. As my “pick up” friend and I discussed, the group situation is the worst.  There's the shortage (not enough money for the bill, tax and tip), the asking for separate checks and the “ordering for the table” situation.

The latter is the trickiest one. My “pick up” friend and I had both been out in groups where some people order “for the table” all the things they want without asking or input from the rest of the group, (be it appetizers, wine, desserts, etc.) and then expect the “table” to split the check.  These often are the “serial  table orderers”, it's their way of life.  They are also many times the ones who get the most expensive entrees, and then want to “split the bill” when you and the rest of the group ordered much less expensive items, you know the type.  And if you say something like, “I only had the ____”, no matter how nicely or gently, you look or feel like the cheapskate and probably rubbed the “orderer” the wrong way for calling it out.  Though you were simply trying to do a reality check (no pun intended) and BTW probably looked up to by the other “non-table orderers” who are also getting the shaft.

My “pick-up” friend's solution is: when you realize you are in this situation just order up (expensive entree, drinks, dessert, etc.) at least that way when you “split” the bill, you are not getting the raw end of the deal.  That's fine and something I have learned to do at times, but not everyone is in the same financial situation or can afford to “order up” all the time.  That's why people should only order what they can afford and fully expect to pay for and not take for granted that what they order for the “table”, everyone will want to partake in it or pay towards. 

Look, if I order for the table without asking others if they want to share or split it with me, my intention is to treat the other diners.  If they partake and want to put in for it at the end, that's up to them, but I am fully prepared to pay for it myself when I order it for the “table.”

Perhaps a good rule of thumb is to speak up if  the “split” is more than a certain amount over your portion.  Maybe a dollar figure or a percentage.  Seriously, if your portion is $20 and you are being asked to put in $50 and it's not a special occasion where you are all covering another person's portion (say birthday, etc.) that might be a time to speak up. (Ahh, birthdays yet another subject for another day.) Also, I think etiquette should dictate if the ones who order less want to “split” the check (as my “split” friend in the second lunch), that's OK, but it should be their decision, not the decision of the ones who owe or ordermore.

Now there are times when you have to make a judgment call as to when to dine with the “table orderers” at all that is  if you know them to be such,  If you do join the group and this happens you have to decide when to speak up and when just to pay up and that depends on the company and circumstances.  I only recall one time, many years ago, where I made the wrong call and feel badly about it to this day; but nobody's perfect.

Very delicate business, this socializing can be; if we are not on the same page. Hope this gave you some food for thought. My treat – just leave a tip.

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The NFGGO Story:
It started at birth. People all around said things that didn't ring true, because it wasn't ... it was "Crazy Talk." No one was really talking about the Crazy Talk but they were listening to it and letting it affect their lives and decisions, sometimes quite dramatically. The need to stop "it" was great, though it would not be easy. It was not part of mainstream, everyday "polite" conversation. Until recently, progress was slow, depending solely on individual encounters under the correct circumstances. The stories were all too similar; the challenges familiar. A better way to share all those "Crazy Talk" stories and reach out to more like-minded people at once was needed ... thus, NFGGO was born.

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